Transcendence -pretty-little-liars-
by VanillaChords
Summary: Charlotte is young woman who is trapped in her complicated mind. Her biggest enemy is her brain, but yet it brings forth her greatest talents. She tries to survive in a world where 'normal' does not apply to anything she thinks. That is why she hides many secrets. But how many secrets can one person keep? Is there a force so strong that it breaks even the strongest masks?
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

One deep breath, it hurts. Two deep breaths, I need more. My eyes are burning, my nose is on fire. One more, then I'm done. I cough as a tear escapes the corner of my eye. I wipe my nose until all the white is gone. A brief moment of looking into the mirror is enough to see the how dark my eyes are and how deep they lay in my pale face. A little bit of powder on my cheeks, darker than the powder from a minute ago. As I smile it feels like my skin is cracking. But I know that the only thing that is being ripped apart right now is my confidence. "Smile Char, just smile", I whisper to the image in the mirror. She looks back at me with empty eyes. "Fuck bitch, smile". My eyes light up. I found it again, the switch. As the white powder creeps through my brain, I open the door. No matter what happens in the next few minutes, I'm stronger than ever before.


	2. Chapter 2

Part 1

"Char.. Charlotte over here!"

A loud voice woke me from the tranquility in my mind. It was my friend Jade. She stood in front of the building where we would have our first class of that day. I was happy to see her, but I wouldn't have minded a few more minutes for myself. To me the first day back on campus after a long summer always feels like the ending of something big. I don't know why but summers tend to decide where my life will go for the rest of the year.

Just before my mind drifted off to the events of this summer, Jade yelled something at me again. It made me smile. Jade talks a lot and it seems like she is always scared that she will run out of time. That is why she will start her story even before you are standing in front of her.

"Oh my god, Char there is so much I have to tell you," she said while pulling me in for a tight hug. I chuckled and said: "Oh really, I thought you might have lost your voice in Mexico". Apparently that was all she needed to hear to open up the gates of story-time.

"No not my voice, but Tim lost his phone and then this guy found it…" While her arms were dancing the air to support her story, all I could think was is: 'It's good to be back'.

As soon as I came home after class I sank down on the couch and turned my TV on. When I realized there was nothing good on, I grabbed my phone. I had been trying to ignore it all day, but I knew I could not avoid it forever. My heartbeat fastened as I read my screen.

 _5 new messages_

 _From: Josh_

For a second my thumb lingered above the screen. I could also just not open them. But I knew I had to. 'They won't go away if you ignore them', I told myself, 'you know you are only making it harder'. I clicked 'open'.

 _7.35 am: Hey, I hope you are okay. Have a good first day. I love you_

 _9.15 am: What are you doing after your last class?_

 _1.27 pm: Charlotte, we need to talk_

 _2.53 pm: I'm gonna chill at Cody's tonight. Can I call you?_

 _3.40 pm: I will call you in 1 hour. It's up to you whether you answer or not._

Fuck! I looked at the clock. It was 4.35 pm. I didn't want to talk to him, not now. Not as long as I did not know what I wanted. I was doing it so well the last couple of days. Most of the time I ignored my phone and came up with stupid excuses and reasons why I could not talk to him. But I should have known that I could not keep doing that. 'He's your boyfriend Char,' I told to myself, 'maybe it's time to talk to him again. Maybe it's time for the truth about this summer.'

Before I could think anything else my phone started buzzing in my hand. I stared at it for about five seconds until I picked up.

"Hi"

My voice sounded weird, as if I had not been talking for days.

"Hey," he said and I could hear that he was nervous. He continued: "How was your first day back?"

"It was okay," I answered. Meanwhile my mind was racing. Yes, I answered the phone, but there was still a way back.

"Good," he said. For a second he paused. I knew he was thinking how he could start this conversation. We were way beyond the point where we could just randomly talk about our day. "Charlotte, this is not okay." There it was..

"What is not okay?" I asked, hoping that if I would avoid his question long enough, it would give me time to think.

"We have not been talking for three weeks. Yes, we texted, but that's it. I can't do this anymore. The amount of excuses you came up with is crazy. We have been together for over 2 years; we were talking about moving in together next year. I know I've made a horrible mistake, but you said you forgave me."

I knew all this time that he thought I was not talking to him because of what he did. I needed him to think that. Little did he know that him cheating was just the start of a chain of events that changed my life this summer. He thought he knew everything; I knew he did not know anything. That was when I realized he would never get it. I would not even know how to start to explain it all. That's why I said:

"It's not you Josh, it's me."

"Well, then I don't know how to do this anymore. You disappeared and you are taking me down with you. I'm not letting that happen. It is over Char.. I'm letting you go." All of a sudden the emotion in his voice was gone. Steady as a rock he told me that he was taking away the last thing that kept my perfect life together. And I could not even blame him.

Part of me wanted to stop him, but I was too tired. I knew I could not find a way to tell him that this summer I lost who I thought I was and found out who I really was. I could not tell him that this summer I lost and found myself at the same time. That is why I swallowed and said:

"Okay, bye!"

As soon as I hung up it was like I felt something inside me break. For the first time in all those weeks I cried. Warm, salty tears finally brought my pain to the surface.


End file.
